How to “Prime” a Moment with Kindness

On most weekday evenings, I pick up my daughter from school and then head to pick up my son. And like many siblings, those car rides often turn into small arguments. Some days, by the time we reach home, there is full-on screaming in the back seat. And yes, that gets to me, too!

So yesterday, I tried something different.

After picking up my daughter, and before picking up my son, I said to her,

“As soon as your brother gets into the car, say this to him:

‘How was your day? I missed you.’”

She smiled, hesitated for a moment, and agreed.

When we picked up my son and he got into the car, she said those exact words.

He looked confused.

Then slightly awkward.

And replied, “Same.”

What happened next surprised me.

Usually, when they talk about their day, they talk to me.

But this time, they started talking to each other.

Sharing what they enjoyed. Laughing about small things.

The ride home was noticeably calmer and more connected.

What changed?

I had unknowingly “primed” the situation for kindness.

I set the tone before conflict had a chance to take over.

Will this work every single time? Probably not.

But will it plant a seed and teach them something valuable? Absolutely.

It made me realize how many opportunities we have in our daily lives to prime moments with positivity.

Here are some examples that you can try:

• Starting your day with a positive intention instead of rushing into stress

• Opening a meeting by appreciating the collaboration instead of default small talk

• Taking the first kind step in a relationship that feels strained

• Setting expectations with warmth before addressing a difficult topic

Small words. Simple shifts. Big impact.

Can you relate to this?

Have you ever tried intentionally setting the tone before a situation unfolds?

I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments.